I am back home after a week and a half of ridiculous house/dog/baby sitting. I’ll never do that again.

I am 18 weeks along as of last Saturday, so the finding out the sex should be happening soon. Sorry to dash any hopes, but there were most definitely be NO belly pictures through out this pregnancy.

Morning sickness hasn’t been too frequent. Although, this morning I did do an exorcist, projectile vomiting thing in the living room, one of my specialties.

Nobody has the right. Not even me.

“Nobody has the right to be bored in a half-made home. A home which is not a fair expression of us at our best, a home which lacks what it might have, a home which is in any part more ugly or in any part more uncomfortable than it absolutely need be…a home which cannot be run without waste, a home which by any detail gets on the nerves of its inhabitants and so impairs the harmony of their existence–something ought to be done about such a home…Why not make the perfecting of the home a hobby?”
I don’t know about you, but this straight forward excerpt by Arnold Bennett has given me more motivation to clean, organize, and make my silly little apartment my home, more than anything I’ve read in a long time.

Evaluating the Future.

Just after I got done preaching at you about being authentic and not trying to emulate other women, I got totally sucked in by a woman named Ree.

I will hesitantly admit that after a few hours reading through her archives, I wrote her a rather embarrassing email, detailing how much I love her site, how it speaks to my soul (gack), which is something that I tend to do fairly often to unsuspecting blog owners. I very rarely do hear back, (Okay, never) and that is okay. I know how that goes and I am guiltily aware of how many emails I have forgotten or just plain refused to answer. That is all besides the point.

I saw and read many things on her website that inspired me to change the path of my future. Many years ago I had a silly dream of living on a small farm. Animals, kids, a small yellow farm house style home. Well, it turns out I didn’t marry a farmer or rancher, so my dream for many years felt a bit squashed.

Sometimes, especially when you are living paycheck to paycheck, dreaming can seem like a foolish thing. Land is so darn expensive here…even way out in the boonies. I told myself that apartment living, leading to a residential house, would be my future. I have to admit that I wasn’t entirely thrilled about the idea. Ultimately though, I felt like the reality of my life as it is now, should be enough to make me happy and keep me happy.

To a certain extent, that is true. If my marriage is strong, my husband is happy, my baby is healthy - then I should stop worrying about changing things. Aren’t I plenty happy enough as it is?

I don’t know really. I do know that when I read of a woman like Ree living the lifestyle that she has, I start to feel something stirring in my heart. It becomes so clear that that life is what I really want. Not to the scale that she does, as she married a cowboy/rancher, but my dream of having kids, living in the country, homeschooling, managing a household, caring for a few animals, and fulfilling this dream that I’ve had for so long.

Is that silly?

I’m not sure.