Evaluating the Future.

Just after I got done preaching at you about being authentic and not trying to emulate other women, I got totally sucked in by a woman named Ree.

I will hesitantly admit that after a few hours reading through her archives, I wrote her a rather embarrassing email, detailing how much I love her site, how it speaks to my soul (gack), which is something that I tend to do fairly often to unsuspecting blog owners. I very rarely do hear back, (Okay, never) and that is okay. I know how that goes and I am guiltily aware of how many emails I have forgotten or just plain refused to answer. That is all besides the point.

I saw and read many things on her website that inspired me to change the path of my future. Many years ago I had a silly dream of living on a small farm. Animals, kids, a small yellow farm house style home. Well, it turns out I didn’t marry a farmer or rancher, so my dream for many years felt a bit squashed.

Sometimes, especially when you are living paycheck to paycheck, dreaming can seem like a foolish thing. Land is so darn expensive here…even way out in the boonies. I told myself that apartment living, leading to a residential house, would be my future. I have to admit that I wasn’t entirely thrilled about the idea. Ultimately though, I felt like the reality of my life as it is now, should be enough to make me happy and keep me happy.

To a certain extent, that is true. If my marriage is strong, my husband is happy, my baby is healthy - then I should stop worrying about changing things. Aren’t I plenty happy enough as it is?

I don’t know really. I do know that when I read of a woman like Ree living the lifestyle that she has, I start to feel something stirring in my heart. It becomes so clear that that life is what I really want. Not to the scale that she does, as she married a cowboy/rancher, but my dream of having kids, living in the country, homeschooling, managing a household, caring for a few animals, and fulfilling this dream that I’ve had for so long.

Is that silly?

I’m not sure.

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